cant tell its horror yet, but hopefully it will be.
‘Knock’ ‘Knock’ Knock’. That same tapping that Thomas Brown had heard time and time again. That same knocking that would disturb his quiet evenings, at the same time, on the same day. Of course, he knew it was just kids messing with his head, trying to spoke him out. Or was it?
Well that didn’t really matter yet, what mattered, was what he was going to do about it. Of course he’d tried before to catch the culprit, but as you may have already guessed by the returning knocks, he had not succeeded. Every Wednesday evening, when the clock strikes six, he’d leap from his country style arm chair, and race to the old oak door. But when he would yank the door open, ( bearing in mind that this is all happening within the first few seconds of the knocks) all he was to find was an empty street greeting him, with the occasional bird tweeting and dog barking.
He knew as well as anyone else that some little runt couldn’t run that fast, and he thought himself to be a fairly quick and agile person, being in his thirties and all. So either he was imagining it or this kid was some creepy magician who could vanish with the wave of his magic wand. Anyway so here he was, sitting in his aging beige armchair, letting his ears ring as the taunting knocks thundered through like stampedes. There were only ever three knocks anyway, so he could bear it, the only thing that bothered him, was the consistency of the knocking. Not just the time and day, but the accuracy between the time delay between each knock; almost as if a robot was on the other side, programmed to bang on the door at approximate times.
On the last knock though today he was going to end it , he’d had enough of this mockery and was tired of being disturbed every Wednesday evening. It wasn’t to do with the fact that this was actually starting to get to him now, or out of fear, the fact that he had just ordered a CCTV for his door, no, it was purely because he was annoyed.
So he sprang from his chair, his brown slippers like springs, and charged his lanky legs to the door. He let out a wave of foul language as he banged his knee against the hard oak. He grasped the door handle, yanked hard; and launched himself into the street. will be.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is a nice little spooky description to get us started here. Certainly the type of thing that has you wondering just what may be going on here. The fact that door is opening within seconds is a little hard to believe given that he does appear to be human, but besides the gist of this little setup here is quite nice and of course sufficiently spooky to get our attention quite nicely.
Hmm well this person seems to have quite an interesting personality there judging from it. You can definitely see the way that he feels about the whole situation laid out quite bare through all of those emotions here and as a reader you can find some sympathy there for the feelings that are running through this person's mind here.
Okayy that ending was a little odd. It doesn't really feel like a cliffhanger cause it kind of built up to this high point in the climax and then abruptly just cut off. It leaves us more lost than stuck with anticipation and doesn't make for the greatest of endings I feel. Overall though it was a nice little buildup there and you did a pretty solid job of painting the character of this here person.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thanks alot for the positive feedback
Oh and danny the ' to be' was an error and wasn't meant to be there. and as for the cctv i think your right i might try and tweak it so it's better or maybe all just scratch the whole camera thing, problem is i kinda got some sort of idea with the camera thing.
I enjoyed it a lot. All the paragraphs had clear and concise thoughts and there were no major spelling or grammar errors outside of what Danny has already mentioned. If you're still not sure on what direction to take with it, I'd recommend a short story judging by the specific topic and maybe not so much horror as a genre unless you plan on taking the tone way down to an even eerier level.
Only one real issue, you said he was in his thirties and rather agile for his age too, so I'm wondering why he would think he was trying to be "spooked" out? His agitated and paranoid tone, to me, almost sounds like a Grandpa slipping into the early stages of dementia. Other than that, I think you might have something to it and would like to see which way you decide to take it.
Your story is very good and i like your idea but there are a few errors i think could do with fixing.
The word spoke should be spook i think.
The second paragraph description of the knocking is a little confusing and clumsy and could do with tweaking to make it easier to understand.
This sentence and idea may seem good but it doesnt quite work. CCTV is just the intials of the company and the actual camera is a CCTV camera not just a CCTV. Also CCTV cameras send the images straight to a police station or government building so it would be better for your story if he just hooks up his own personnal camera so he can actually access the recording. This is me being very over the top but its just how my mind works.
The last sentence
What is "will be." It makes no snse. Get rid of it or elaborate.
Great story hope to hear more soon.